After several failures of literary and journalistic merit arising from associate editors and freshmen staff writers, his most holy, exultant, blessed, and glorious Dr. Degen has instituted a new system of punishment for disobedient reporters.
With the ascent of Logan Thompson, Editor in Chief, Kevin Babu, Managing Editor, Griffin Taber, Chief Associate Editor, as well as all senior editors present,...
As gas prices skyrocket, the mere dollar bill won’t cut it.
So here's a "Modest Proposal" for the oil companies.Â
Chevron, who recently partnered with Apple and Amazon, is always in need of cheap child labor; build a clever cost-effective program so that you can sell your kids for gas.
And it’s a great deal too, for one child...
Are you looking for the perfect gift for a family member or friend this Christmas? Do you have a secret Santa for whom you need the perfect present? Do you want to knock the socks off of the recipient of your wrapped surprise? Then you need to read this guide for the 15 hottest gifts of the Christmas season!
15....
As the war between Russia and Ukraine grows more violent every day, both Putin and Zelenskyy fear for their lives. And according to recent evidence, the Russians plan to neutralize possibilities of American interference.
While we don't know much about the tech, the CIA has deciphered that the S.T.A.I.R.S. (systematic tripping and intentional retribution structure) functions by deactivating Biden's calves...
Harvest Hill Traffic Light Harvests Hell on Earth
Abstract
It’s three minutes before the 8:50 a.m. bell rings for the first class – or just three minutes away from when your extra-curricular instructor kindly requested you show up. Maybe you’re a senior and you had a long lunch after service and are racing back to make that mandatory(?) class meeting at...
As a precursor to Nicholas Christon '24 and I's all-encompassing Fast Food Tier List (work in progress) I sought the origin of easily the best fast food restaurant we have eaten at so far. Taco Bell. Its constant, brilliant taste presented an origin that must lie somewhere beyond human existence, and I would stop at nothing to uncover its...
One dark and stormy night, Mr. Goll noticed a leak in the roof, damaging a painting. In an act of bravery and honor, he saved the painting, cementing himself not as the hero Jesuit deserved but as the one they needed. He brought the salvaged painting to his office, but after realizing it wasn't worth much on eBay, he...
Homecoming is almost upon us, and it’s time to scramble and find a homecoming date.
Now the first step in asking someone to homecoming is finding someone to go to homecoming with (assuming that you don’t want to go stag or don’t want to go at all). There are many ways that you can meet a potential date. There are...
