After several failures of literary and journalistic merit arising from associate editors and freshmen staff writers, his most holy, exultant, blessed, and glorious Dr. Degen has instituted a new system of punishment for disobedient reporters.
With the ascent of Logan Thompson, Editor in Chief, Kevin Babu, Managing Editor, Griffin Taber, Chief Associate Editor, as well as all senior editors present,...
In spite of Ronaldo's recent achievements in Saudi Arabia, many, many soccer fans across the globe have concluded that Ronaldo is worse than Messi. They think that Messi's astonishing army of trophies, awards, accolades, goals, assists, and highlights qualify him to be the greatest of all time. In this article, I will silence the Ronaldo haters by laying out...
One dark and stormy night, Mr. Goll noticed a leak in the roof, damaging a painting. In an act of bravery and honor, he saved the painting, cementing himself not as the hero Jesuit deserved but as the one they needed. He brought the salvaged painting to his office, but after realizing it wasn't worth much on eBay, he...
Hell has happily tortured damned souls for the last several thousand years below the Earth's surface. But Director of Operations, Satan, has found a new campus that increases misery in ways the demons had never dreamed of.Â
"As excited as I am to move to California, I have mixed emotions," Satan said in a recent interview, "I'm afraid because Gavin...
Harvest Hill Traffic Light Harvests Hell on Earth
Abstract
It’s three minutes before the 8:50 a.m. bell rings for the first class – or just three minutes away from when your extra-curricular instructor kindly requested you show up. Maybe you’re a senior and you had a long lunch after service and are racing back to make that mandatory(?) class meeting at...
Class tensions have always been at the forefront of controversy in American politics throughout American history. It has been a centuries-long battle between rich and poor. Yet, people always forget how hard the rich have it. It's time to change that by forgiving student loan debt!
Medical School and Law School are expensive! Those student debts are the only things...
As gas prices skyrocket, the mere dollar bill won’t cut it.
So here's a "Modest Proposal" for the oil companies.Â
Chevron, who recently partnered with Apple and Amazon, is always in need of cheap child labor; build a clever cost-effective program so that you can sell your kids for gas.
And it’s a great deal too, for one child...
OPINION - Jesuit Dallas shouldn't read Sophocles' plays, and instead should begin the progressive movement to cancel this sexist and bigoted writer. Now, I didn't know much about this guy (he doesn't have a Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram, or TikTok (I even tried looking up his Facebook, no dice (follow me @JezStudent100))), but after reading some of his work, I...
