Monday, May 6, 2024

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Humor/Satire

Humorous or Satirical Student Views, Opinions, and Commentary

RICHMOND, VA - Voting suppression has never been higher due to oppressive Republicans. This discrimination became clear in Virginia when not a single cemetery received any mail-in ballots. This suppression from Republicans is not new; in the 2020 election, many Republicans tried to falsify many Democratic votes just because the voters were dead. But these votes did end up getting...
Jesuit College Preparatory is definitely a great school. With almost 20 sports, over 100,000 community service hours recorded each year, recognition by the Texas Educational Agency, SAT scores that significantly exceed the national average, and much more, there is no doubt in Jesuit's distinction and quality. However, Jesuit still faces a problem that it has probably been facing since its foundation...
Class tensions have always been at the forefront of controversy in American politics throughout American history. It has been a centuries-long battle between rich and poor. Yet, people always forget how hard the rich have it. It's time to change that by forgiving student loan debt! Medical School and Law School are expensive! Those student debts are the only things...
As gas prices skyrocket, the mere dollar bill won’t cut it. So here's a "Modest Proposal" for the oil companies.  Chevron, who recently partnered with Apple and Amazon, is always in need of cheap child labor; build a clever cost-effective program so that you can sell your kids for gas. And it’s a great deal too, for one child...
On Friday, February 17th, at 7 p.m. ET, ESPN will broadcast the 2017 NBA All-Star Celebrity Game live from Mercedes-Benz Superdome in New Orleans, LA. This event is usually met with extremely average attention, but I think the NBA can change that with a few wise selections in this year's game. The newly-available and potential players for this year's...
If you went to the football game last Friday, you might have noticed an interesting face in the student section. What was peculiar was that it was a face without a body, nicknamed the Dion Scion (Dye-on Sigh-on). Created by Senior Rudder Allison, the Dion Sign was a popular addition to the student section, bringing good fun and laughter to...
Ah, pizza. Multiple mounds of melted, magnificently manufactured mozzarella shelter a circular, sweeping, savory sauce covering a curved, copious, crunchy-chewy crust. The delight of many people all around (though it originated in Naples, Italy) is so popular that many languages still call it pizza. Even the Arabic word for pizza, "بيتزا," sounds like "pizza!" In fact, what is better than...
(Disclaimer: This is satire) After nine months of arduous labor, that special week once again approaches us. Finals week. The word final comes the Latin “fin,” which means the end or the border, and the Greek “al,” which means through great pain and suffering. Students have spent the entire school year preparing for an hour and a half exam for each...

About Viewpoints

The Roundup invites all students to submit articles that reflect their personal perspectives regarding politics, culture, student life, sports, art, music, or hobbies.

Viewpoints do not reflect the opinions of either Jesuit Dallas or The Roundup.

Articles should be written in a respectful tone, with language reflecting thoughtful and accurately researched discourse and, at all times, supporting the mission of the newspaper and the Jesuit Dallas community.

The Roundup will publish all articles that meet these guidelines without regard to endorsing any particular point of view.

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Jesuit College Preparatory School of Dallas offers young men an excellent, Catholic education in the classical Jesuit tradition with the purpose of forming a community of men with high moral principles and service to others.

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