Humor/Satire

The One, The Only, Dion Sign

If you went to the football game last Friday, you might have noticed an interesting face in the student section. What was peculiar was that it was a face without a body, nicknamed the Dion Scion (Dye-on Sigh-on). Created by...

All Hail The College Board

(Disclaimer: This is satire) After nine months of arduous labor, that special week once again approaches us. Finals week. The word final comes the Latin “fin,” which means the end or the border, and the Greek “al,” which means through...

Quist Impresses in First Round of Bountiful Scholars Tournament

Thursday marked the opening of the first-ever Bountiful Scholars Tournament, sponsored by The Roundup. According to the advertisement that was sent out for the tournament earlier this semester, "the tournament seeks to showcase the wit and literary interpretative powers...

Expository Bowl Postponed, New Date and Time TBA

Because school was closed Tuesday and Wednesday of this week, the Expository Bowl has been postponed, and The Roundup is unable to announce a new date at this time. We are in the process of rescheduling it and will announce a...

How to Solve Jesuit’s Big Problem

Jesuit College Preparatory is definitely a great school. With almost 20 sports, over 100,000 community service hours recorded each year, recognition by the Texas Educational Agency, SAT scores that significantly exceed the national average, and much more, there is no...

Why I Switched to the Dark Side

Apple's reign as America's most popular cell phone manufacturer has gone unchallenged for too long! Two years ago, I decided I could no longer live the mainstream life. Two years ago, I made the dramatic leap from the iPhone 5C to...

Brother, Why Must I Park Far?

For years, Jesuit students who fail to get a junior lot parking pass have been pushed to the outskirts of the school and forced to make the perilous walks from Willow to school, regardless of weather. These students struggle through...

These People NEED to be in the NBA Celebrity All-Star Game

On Friday, February 17th, at 7 p.m. ET, ESPN will broadcast the 2017 NBA All-Star Celebrity Game live from Mercedes-Benz Superdome in New Orleans, LA. This event is usually met with extremely average attention, but I think the NBA...

5 Things that are Better than Pizza

Ah, pizza. Multiple mounds of melted, magnificently manufactured mozzarella shelter a circular, sweeping, savory sauce covering a curved, copious, crunchy-chewy crust. The delight of many people all around (though it originated in Naples, Italy) is so popular that many...