“Dear Dee,
What should I wear to Snowball? And also, do you have any winter male fashion suggestions?”
-Fashion Challenged
Dear “Fashion Challenged,”
I want to begin by reaching into the deepest crevices of my memory to bring forth a quote from one widely renowned figure, who every Monday reminds me to have a “Magnificent Monday,” every Tuesday a “Terrific Tuesday,” and every Friday a “Fantastic Friday” (alas I cannot remember what he says on Thursday). This figure is one Basil Seif, from whom in addition to consistently hearing his whimsical alliterations, I am reminded to “stay classy,” a simple yet very profound and multifaceted (in the sense that its applications can pertain to numerous situations) piece of advice.
Therefore, I say to you kind sir: use this piece of wisdom, as it applies certainly here.
Do not solely act classy, but dress classy. Go all out, man. Whip out that fancy, entrancing, new iPhone, hit the “Maps” app, search for “Men’s Wearhouse” (misspelled intentionally because you “wear” clothes and it’s also like a warehouse store, get it?), find the one closest one to you, hit “directions to here”, and then jump in your fancy car or hop on your bicycle (hopefully not because you’ll need a convenient way of bringing home your new clothes) and rent a tux!
Believe me, girls slave away presumably for hours on their appearance for nights like these, most of which are initiated by the guy; but, since “Snowball” (why is it called that by the way?) is a dance in which the girl makes the arrangement, it’s an even bigger deal for them.
They will certainly go all out. So wear a tuxedo. ‘Nuff said. Or, as Barney Stinson would say, “SUIT UP!” Either way, make it a full-blown, all-out, super-fancy, lip-smackin’ get-up.
Since you’re fashionably challenged, just rent a tux though. I wouldn’t trust your instincts with a suit.
But wait a minute. What’s the point of dressing up classy like this when the festivities aren’t classy? This isn’t going to be a pish-posh, fancy, stereotypical, “hmmm… how do you do?” dinner party, so why is it to be expected to dress like it is?
The social conventions of this generation are all mixed up:
“Honey, we’re going out to dinner at a fancy restaurant tonight.”
“All right, Mom, let me just put on jeans or khaki/corduroy shorts, Sperry’s, and a polo: the same thing I always wear anyway.”
On the other hand,
“Mom, I’m going to a crazy dance party where everyone moshes and raves to music that sounds like robots overdosing. Let me just go rent a tux real quick, and (insert girl’s name here) is gonna wear her nicest dress.”
WHAT. SENSE. DOES. THAT. MAKE?!
Especially considering that by the end of the night, all the fancy clothes will be off anyway.
As soon as the dancing starts, the jacket is coming off, and as soon as the dance ends (which weirdly is always the earliest time people are allowed to leave), people complain that “the DJ wasn’t good” or “the lights were on so I couldn’t ferociously grind with everyone in a two foot radius.” Every dance it’s the same complaints.
Why do you keep coming then?
Anyway, I’m rambling on here.
I suggest you rent a tux because, in this circumstance, it is pretty much a non-optional social convention. (Believe me, I think it’s preposterous given the activities of the night.)
If you want to make a fashion statement, buy a separate bow tie that fits with your tux and wear it instead of the traditional black. Or, you could rent a tux of an unconventional color; so instead of black, get a purple one, or a green one, or a red one or whatever color suits you.
I thought I’d end with a pun, hopefully you caught it. Otherwise, you’re more than just fashionably challenged.
Best Wishes,
Dee
