Image Credit: Sebastian Suwanda
Coming soon, on Monday the 13th of April, is the greatest sporting event of the century. A showdown of cosmic proportions between titans of athleticism and intellect. It is, in essence, a battle of the gods. I am referring, of course, to the Expository Bowl, the annual showdown between players of the Jesuit Football Team, and the staff of the world-famous Jesuit Roundup in a football game for the ages.
How could this motley crew of scrappy young men possibly take on the journalists of the Jesuit Roundup? Make no mistake, The Roundup surely has the upper hand. But overconfidence is the father of defeat. Though the Football Team may seem small and insignificant, there is a chance, however slight, that they secure a victory. A temporary, meaningless victory that pales in comparison to the triumph of astronomical proportions that The Roundup has already won two years in a row. But a victory nonetheless. Their coach is the venerable Dr. Degen, after all.
So this is my message to the brave and noble men of the Jesuit Roundup, an open letter for all to hear: Respect your leaders and have faith in your hearts, for those virtues shall bring victory. Fear not your enemy, for I shall be with you. Fear not defeat, for it shall not come to pass. And fear not the broken femur, for it is a touch football game. Heed these words, and victory shall be ours.
To the boys of the football team: Have fear in your hearts. Have fear of The Roundup and its journalistic acumen. And have fear of the football players we poached because they wrote one article in the last year and we needed anyone who knew what they were doing. In short, ready yourselves. Ready yourselves for the 2026 Expository Bowl.
