Humor/Satire

AOTW #11: Michaelem Degeletian

Dr. Michael Degen (Michaelem Degeletianus) remains a legend amongst the Jesuit Dallas academic ecosystem. Located in the vibrant environment of the English Commons, Dr. Degen has established his role as a veteran educator, claiming numerous awards on his march...

The NBA is Comically Unwatchable

The modern NBA has turned into a glorified three-point contest, where centers camp out at the arc, layups are for cowards, and every possession feels like watching someone play NBA 2K on rookie mode. Where has true basketball gone,...

Taco Bell: Succulent Sustenance Fit for Gods

As a precursor to Nicholas Christon '24 and I's all-encompassing Fast Food Tier List (work in progress) I sought the origin of easily the best fast food restaurant we have eaten at so far. Taco Bell. Its constant, brilliant...

TAMU and Chat GPT: An Analysis of AI Writing

As the world turns to AI for answers, the students of our generation lose their writing ability, choosing a robot over their own thoughts. Ever since Chat GPT came out, it seems at the end of every essay and...

Mr. Berry’s Bow Ties: A Week in Review

  Introduction Since everybody knows that Mr. Berry has the most delectable neckwear on campus, I've decided to take up the wondrous task of reviewing his ties from Monday October 9, 2023 to Friday October 13, 2023. This is my collection...

The Indomitable Human Spirit

The indomitable human spirit is the enduring, unyielding, and resolute aspect of humanity that allows us to persevere through adversity. It is the unbreakable force that lives within every human being, the unwavering spirit that propels us forward in...

The Ocean is a Soup

In all of my realizations, none have been so profound as this. Some might even call it the most groundbreaking assertion ever. This revolutionary truth possesses so much power and gravity, that it could uproot society as we know...

Jesuit Debate Had a Blast Hosting First in-Person Debate Tournament Since 2020

Last week, Jesuit Debate hosted its first in-person debate tournament at the local level since 2020. Over 200 competitors from 15 local area schools competed in the 2 day event.  Jesuit debaters made the event run smoothly, ensuring rounds started...

Breaking News: Jesuit Roundup introduces Pillory as Punishment for Recalcitrant Writers

After several failures of literary and journalistic merit arising from associate editors and freshmen staff writers, his most holy, exultant, blessed, and glorious Dr. Degen has instituted a new system of punishment for disobedient reporters. With the ascent of Logan...