Profile: Jesuit Students and Their Siblings with Special Needs

The typical relationship between siblings during the adolescence and teen years consists of lighthearted bickering and petty disagreements, but, through it all, the often hidden love in the relationship never ceases to exist. This love rarely radiates more than in the relationships of those Jesuit students with siblings who have special needs.

Amidst all of the difficulties associated with special needs, these Jesuit students and their siblings build thriving relationships of mutual trust, equally helping each other in their day-to-day lives. John Michael Lucido ’14 with his brother Joseph, Nick Chaffin ’14 with his sister Ashley, Stuart Deary ’14 with his sister Meg, and Elliot Stone ’15 with his sister Anna, epitomize what it means to be a brother, a brother for others.

Joseph attends Lake Highlands Junior High as a 7th grader, where he partakes in regular school activities such as gym, lunch, music class, recess, and other classes that are modified for special needs children. Though he can participate in some of these activities both in and outside of school, he requires close help and support from teachers and, most importantly, his family. That’s where John Michael comes in. “Since he is 13, he is getting really big and heavy, so my mom has trouble picking him up,” John Michael says.  “And since I am getting stronger, I help pick him up and transport him from place to place to give my mom a break.”   Along with this physical support, John Michael is especially good at calming Joseph when he cries or becomes frustrated and upset.

However, it has not always been easy. Through the years their relationship has evolved as they have both matured and recognized the situation.  “As I grew older I would constantly ask my parents why Joseph couldn’t come outside and play with me.  Since I didn’t understand his special needs, I became jealous of all the attention he received from my parents,” John Michael reminisced.  “However, as I matured, I gradually began to understand and started to really help him out with his needs.”

Now their special bond represents everything two brothers should have and more. “Our relationship is so unique, because even though he has never spoken a word to me, I know that he loves me and loves having me as his brother, and I feel the exact same way about him,” Lucido explains.

Everyday, John Michael works hard to make his brother’s life easier. Joseph not only returns the favor with his love, but also teaches John Michael life-long lessons as an individual.  “Joseph has taught me to never take anything for granted. Everyday we take for granted so many things in our lives, the ability to talk, eat, run around, learn, and play sports along with so many other things.”

John Michael knows that everything he participates in, including playing for the Jesuit baseball team, is an activity that his brother, and millions of others, will never be able to enjoy. In remembrance of this, he writes Joseph’s initials, JAL, on the brim of his baseball cap to remind him that his ability to play competitive sports is a privilege often taken for granted.

Just as John Michael cares for Joseph in any way possible, Stuart Deary ‘14 similarly and unconditionally loves and looks out for his sister, Meg. Thirteen years old and a student at Dallas’ Notre Dame school, Meg has Down Syndrome, a chromosomal disorder caused by a third copy of the 21st chromosome.

“She has her good and her bad days, just like everyone else. Sometimes it’s difficult to explain things to her and she gets upset,” explains Deary. However, through these tough times and struggles, Stuart is always there to act as the proper brother and cheer her up when she’s feeling upset. “We are close and get along really well,” Deary says. “She’s so sweet and loving, so it’s hard not to get along with her.”

Stuart stresses that Meg’s disabilities never define who she as a person on the inside.  “I love my sister,” Deary says. “It’s not like her having Down Syndrome makes me look at her differently.” Everyday Meg works through struggles and obstacles just as everyone else does, and all the while Stuart guides her and loves her for the person that she is.

Not only has their relationship blossomed over the years, but through the affection Meg shows Stuart everyday, he has learned more of what it means to be a man for others. “I’m definitely more accepting of others and I try not to judge people, because I know that I don’t like it when people judge her,” Deary explained.

Nick Chaffin ’14 also has a sister, Ashley, with special needs. Ashley, 22 years old and currently in her last year at Dallas’ Notre Dame School, suffers from tuberous sclerosis, which causes mental delays and other symptoms. “It mainly affects her brain tissue and her ability to read and do math,” Chaffin says, “however, she can still do most things like use a computer, and she even has an iPhone.”

Because of her day-to-day struggles, Ashley constantly needs someone around to watch her, as well as drive her around. Nick willingly helps Ashley whenever she needs this special attention or love. He explains, “I drive her around to Young Life and Ursuline’s Best Buddies program, during which Ashley pairs up with an Ursuline senior.” He also stays home with her when she needs company, because she doesn’t like to stay home alone.

Along with an upbeat attitude, Ashley constantly strives to do her best, teaching all around her perseverance and determination. “She struggles so much with basic things, but she never gives up. It teaches us a lesson to never stop, because they are faced with such adversity,“ Chaffin says.

Fellow peer of Ashley Chaffin and Meg Deary at Notre Dame, the sister of sophomore Elliot Stone, Anna-Maria, has cerebral palsy, which impairs body movement.  As with all other disabilities, everyday presents a challenge or difficulty. “She recently received a brace for her back because her spine isn’t straight, which makes her a little more impatient,” Stone says as her describes her complications. Though Anna-Maria requires extra help, Elliot insists that “she probably helps [him] out with things more than [he] helps her.” Through the years, they have built a unique relationship of strong mutual support. “We care for each other both in hard times and with everyday things,” says Stone.

Despite the fact that their siblings all have a wide range of disabilities, John Michael, Stuart, Nick, and Elliot all stressed one very important point: though their siblings might look different on the outside or have trouble grasping various concepts, inside they are no different than any one of us. “They have friends, they go to school, and do their own thing. They like their own music and they are just like us,” Chaffin says.  Lucido completely agrees, saying, “They have real emotions: they love, they get angry, they laugh, they cry, they just might just express themselves differently. They want to be treated like a normal person.”

With their determination, perseverance, and friendliness, the siblings of these Jesuit students show us everyday what is important in life and what it means to be men and women for others.