With Thanksgiving break around the corner, I wanted to provide a list of Dos and Don’ts for you and your family to follow to have the most peaceful and restorative break.
Thanksgiving Do’s and Don’ts
When talking with your extended family members who are in their senior year of high school, Do make sure the only thing you ever talk to them about is where they are going to college next year. They love hearing that question, especially because 90% of college decisions haven’t been released yet.
Additionally, when attending Thanksgiving at somebody else’s house, Don’t bring a gift or a side dish. Your presence should be a gift enough. There’s no need to bring any extra food to “help” the hosts prepare.
Do make sure to loudly share your political opinions with everyone in the house during a holiday that’s supposed to be about giving thanks and unity. Yes, Barry, I do want to hear about how evil this or that political figure is.
Do make sure to go on a diet the week before Thanksgiving and not tell anyone. Then, only after sweet grandma has spent hours making tons of delicious food, loudly complain to everyone about how there are no vegan options. During the Thanksgiving meal, repeatedly bring up how studies have shown that turkey is linked to Alzheimer’s or how you just can’t believe anyone would be so senseless and cruel to perpetuate the cycle of violence towards animals by eating meat. Everyone loves to hear about how evil they are for enjoying a nice meal.
Don’t offer to help clean up after the big meal. Rather, leave all of your dirty plates and dishes at the table and fall asleep on the only couch in the entire house. Then, when people try to wake you up and move you so they can watch the Cowboys game, refuse to leave.
On that note when the Cowboys inevitably lose the game, Do complain about the coaching and every little mistake the players make. Of course, Uncle Bob, I’m sure you could have made that 46-yard field goal with your eyes closed.
I hope these Dos and Don’ts help you to have a great Thanksgiving Break and definitely not be an unbearable headache for all who interact with you.