Friday, March 29, 2024

The Roundup is the Jesuit Dallas Student Voice and Newspaper since 1942. Learn about us.

Humor/Satire

Humorous or Satirical Student Views, Opinions, and Commentary

RICHMOND, VA - Voting suppression has never been higher due to oppressive Republicans. This discrimination became clear in Virginia when not a single cemetery received any mail-in ballots. This suppression from Republicans is not new; in the 2020 election, many Republicans tried to falsify many Democratic votes just because the voters were dead. But these votes did end up getting...
Over time, Jesuit students have had incredible academic success. This success arrived when students learned to prioritize scholastic worth over literally anything else. It has taught students a fundamental principle: school is the only thing that matters; if you are successful at school, you are successful at life. This enlightenment has enabled students to make sacrifices for the greater good...
While 2020 hasn't been a great year for humanity, it has been great for meme-makers. The memes and group chats have become top-tier distractions from the crippling loneliness of quarantine. Scrolling through my favorite sites for online content got me thinking: Why don't I help pass some time by talking about some of the people you'll most likely see...
Ted Cruz: Your Senator, A Murderer!? It’s an early morning, snow blanketing the ground outside of the Calgary hospital. A seemingly innocent child is brought into this world, but could this child be the infamous murderer who terrorized Northern California in the late 60s and early 70s? Let’s decide. The Facts Ted Cruz, born Rafael Edward Cruz, is an American-Canadian politician representing...
If you went to the football game last Friday, you might have noticed an interesting face in the student section. What was peculiar was that it was a face without a body, nicknamed the Dion Scion (Dye-on Sigh-on). Created by Senior Rudder Allison, the Dion Sign was a popular addition to the student section, bringing good fun and laughter to...
(Disclaimer: This is satire) After nine months of arduous labor, that special week once again approaches us. Finals week. The word final comes the Latin “fin,” which means the end or the border, and the Greek “al,” which means through great pain and suffering. Students have spent the entire school year preparing for an hour and a half exam for each...
Thursday marked the opening of the first-ever Bountiful Scholars Tournament, sponsored by The Roundup. According to the advertisement that was sent out for the tournament earlier this semester, "the tournament seeks to showcase the wit and literary interpretative powers of the contestants." For this first round, scholars must analyze Dr. Seuss' "Green Eggs and Ham" and debate its meaning in...
Because school was closed Tuesday and Wednesday of this week, the Expository Bowl has been postponed, and The Roundup is unable to announce a new date at this time. We are in the process of rescheduling it and will announce a new date as soon as possible. Honestly, The Roundup is the victim here. We put together a short video in which students...

About Viewpoints

The Roundup invites all students to submit articles that reflect their personal perspectives regarding politics, culture, student life, sports, art, music, or hobbies.

Articles should be written in a respectful tone, with language reflecting thoughtful and accurately researched discourse and, at all times, supporting the mission of the newspaper and the Jesuit Dallas community.

The Roundup will publish all articles that meet these guidelines without regard to endorsing any particular point of view.

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Jesuit College Preparatory School of Dallas offers young men an excellent, Catholic education in the classical Jesuit tradition with the purpose of forming a community of men with high moral principles and service to others.

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