On September 5th, the city of Dallas had aerial sprays over the Jesuit Dallas campus in an attempt to calm the recent senioritus breakout.
Jesuit had worried that its students, specifically seniors, were sick, noticing that many students had failed to show up to any of the mandatory meetings in the week following the first day of school. Mr. Garrison, Jesuit’s principle, reported that he had failed to receive personal information cards from 50 percent of the senior class and of that 50 percent, 15 percent of those seniors wrote “YOLO” or “SKA” as their name, phone number, or address. This was the calm before the storm, as the first day of school approached.
On the first day of school, 13 of the 261 students went to guidance and 3 of them claimed they did it by mistake. The theology teachers were astonished, when they saw that a senior had posted forged notes on every theology classroom door that said that class was canceled that day. Clearly, these young men were suffering from senioritus, thought Dallas Disease control Chief Skip Zophrenia, as he listened to these accounts from teachers and underclassmen alike.
Mr. Zophrenia went to work asking the city of Dallas if aerial sprays would be an appropriate measure to take in combatting this disease. His fear was that if it spread to neighboring schools of W.T. White, Hockaday, and Ursuline the outbreak would be near impossible to contain. The city of Dallas, realizing the logic behind his words, agreed to have four planes fly over Jesuit to spray the community with a chemical formula that would supposedly end the infection.
Despite parent’s fears that their baby boys would get sick from the chemical agent splorange, they were forced to send their sons to school that day, and the results were marvelous.
Senior Mario Perizoso said that “after the spray[ing] I felt motivated to do something other than hang out by the pool all day. It was weird, I actually went to order my books and found out I’m taking a lot of hard classes this year. What was I thinking signing up for all these APs?”
Seniors, like Mario, began to funnel in to Jesuit realizing they had missed the first week of school. Herman Faul ’13 said his first day was tough, exclaiming “so umm I didn’t set up my iPad, and umm I think I lost it too. But don’t worry, my brother is a freshman so I’ll take his.”
The recovery process has been slow, but students have started to buy dress shoes and school supplies as they start the year.
Categories
Humor/Satire