My name is Jason Andrew Davis ‘21 and I just graduated from Jesuit last year. Currently, I am majoring in Cognitive Science (focus area in Consciousness) & Psychology with a minor in Neuroscience here at Dartmouth. After college, I am looking to get my PhD in either Experimental Psychology or Cognitive Neuroscience and dedicate myself to scientific research for my career. I wanted to come back to my old yet fantastic high school newspaper to give some guidance for graduating seniors and anyone who wants to know about college. I have done this series in the past, covering all four years. Now, let’s take the next step. Let’s talk about COLLEGE.
In this article, I look to detail the three aspects of college life and talk about common experiences that many college students face. To note, some are specific to college, but many of these issues are broader ones of becoming an adult.
Personal
As a person, you undergo a lot of change through college. In terms of the development hierarchy, you are in the young adulthood phase, as you are first stepping into the world of adulthood. There are a couple of things to keep in mind about being an adult. The first and most important thing is that you are responsible for your own choices. In certain circumstances, this can be seen as an advantage over your childhood. However, you also must realize and accept the outcomes of your choices once decisions are made. If you choose a major that you don’t like and spend time on classes you don’t like, you have to accept that you made that decision. You may have wasted time on something that you didn’t enjoy, and you have to accept the time you wasted as an outcome of that decision. This acceptance of outcomes becomes even harder when things get more complicated and serious, so it’s not an easy thing to do. But when you know better, you do better.
We learn new lessons based on the past decisions we’ve made, and so making bad decisions isn’t necessarily a bad thing. If anything, they can teach you lessons that you need to develop into that thriving version of yourself. A fundamental part of knowledge is guiding action, and once you learn more about life and yourself, then you can be a better person and do greater things. These are things to keep in mind when searching for that goal of sustainable fulfillment and joy as an adult.
There are two aspects of identity I would like to talk about, and these things do not go away even after you adjust to college. Imposter syndrome is a common feeling among arriving college students, as they see kids who have excelled just like they have. Being around other competent and successful people leads one to believe that you don’t deserve to be there. You may believe that you are not as talented or skilled as your classmates and may believe that you don’t have value being at the college. This is a common feeling, and let me tell you that it doesn’t stop during college. It still continues to be a part of my psyche, and as you get your first job or attend graduate school, these feelings will not go away.
One thing is that you were chosen to be at that school, and you definitely deserve to be there. Yes, there are other fantastic people around you, but that does not diminish or negate your accomplishments. Put value in yourself and your achievements, but continue to grow and change beyond high school.
The second is identity crises, where you stop doing the same activities or being the same person in high school. For athletes who no longer play the same sport, this is a common feeling. You spend almost every day showing up to practices and games, playing your heart out on the field, and hanging out with teammates. It takes up a huge portion of your time, but you absolutely love it and wouldn’t trade it for the world. And then, it suddenly disappears. The feeling is not the same. Again, your roles will shift throughout time as you become an adult, and change is a fundamental part of life.
This does not mean you have to leave everything behind. If you play basketball, you may not be able to play competitive basketball like you did in high school with fans and parents supporting you. You can still play basketball against your friends and make it competitive. It shifts, but does not change completely. This doesn’t just apply to sports, but to all parts of your identity including your personality as well.
These are lifelong skills that no one has perfected. We all have strengths and weaknesses, even if people aren’t open about them or aren’t obvious to other people. Don’t expect everything to go perfectly. It won’t. Things will change dramatically semester by semester, and you will change as a result. These changes may not be apparent to you until you look back, but growth is a gradual progress. You don’t just wake up one day and become an adult. You grow day-by-day to become one. Leave room for setbacks, hardships, and mistakes, because they will certainly happen. Leave room to take care of yourself and make sure you’re okay. Keep your mental health healthy, because your mind is what lets you survive this long journey. Trust me, it’s the most important part of life.
Life is not about your being the best. It’s about your doing your best. Growth is the journey and destination. Growth is your entire story. Let that story be a powerful one that would inspire you if you read it. And you don’t need to prove that story to anyone else. It’s yours to enjoy and celebrate.
Social
The social aspect of college can also be a huge transition for people who go to college. People’s social tendencies are very different, but I think one thing people tend to agree on is that people like to be social up to a certain point and then they get exhausted. It is a balance for taking time to be with friends and also relaxing and being by yourself, and both parts are just as important. The best balance practically is the one that works best for you based on your experience and values.
One big thing in life is realizing that meaningful friendships and relationships take time. The close friends you may have in high school took years to develop and it may seem like it was a fast process, but it wasn’t. Friendships and relationships change all the time in college, and the people you connect with in your first year may not be the same people you surround yourself with in later years. But they also can be. It is very difficult to predict exactly who will be friends or in a relationship with a person.
Another big thing is realizing that not everyone is going to like you. This may be because people have had bad experiences with certain people or have stereotypes. Some people you may grow with, others maybe not. For example, if you are a social person like me, you may not get along that well with quiet and shy people. But oftentimes, if you are around super social people, you may come across as boring and lame. It is all up to our individual interpretation, and we tend to align with people that view the world the way we do. And that is not everyone, so be willing to accept that. People have a different viewpoint than you do and a different conscious experience than you do, so be open to hearing about that. Sometimes, it may not fit you well, which is okay.
The final thing is being aware of the presence of fraternities and sororities. Parties in high school are a thing, but they definitely get bigger in college. They can be a big part of campus life to the point where they dominate social activity and there’s not much else to do besides party. At Dartmouth, I can say that, as someone who personally doesn’t want to affiliate or drink anyways. It can be harder to find friends if you don’t participate in the social norms of the school, but don’t let that stop you from doing what you enjoy. Greek life is certainly not for everyone, and try not to judge yourself for not fitting into the paradigm. In these cases, it is normal for you to go against social norms. If you want to, then do it and be mindful of the process. It is up to you to determine what will satisfy you socially. No one else can speak to what is fun except yourself. And it is a complicated and difficult process that takes time to learn and navigate. So try to be patient with yourself.
Academic and Extracurriculars
This is where your career officially begins. First of all, pick things that interest you. Simple. In high school, you probably had to take classes that you didn’t really like or enjoy, which makes it harder to succeed. You’re less motivated to deeply engage with the material. In college, you probably still have requirements, especially if you’re in a highly rigorous major. But you choose your studies. You may have a hard major that takes up a lot of your time, but if you really enjoy it, then that extra time is not that big of a deal. It is natural for your interests to change or to not change. I was on the side of coming into college knowing what I wanted to do with my life, but my interests have altered based on other topics that I never discovered.
Another thing is that in college, not everyone starts at the same level. Some people like me went to Jesuit and are in a program that prepares students for college. Others don’t have that same privilege. Others may be in a worse school system where tutoring was not available. Some students are first-generation college students. Everyone comes from a different academic standing, so it is kind of pointless to compare yourself academically to other students. Some people may be smarter than others, but that doesn’t diminish your value as a smart person. But the key to academics is planning and time management.
My strategy is to do a little bit of work every single day and get ahead on certain assignments. Getting ahead doesn’t always mean that you’ll get a better grade, but it does decrease the stress of school. Minimizing stress about school while maximizing your performance is the key to success academically and professionally. These things do not go hand in hand, and it is a balancing act. But by doing things every day, you won’t let things build up and you are less likely to experience burnout. Burnout is a common thing, and does not stop in high school. It is a lifelong feeling.
You don’t want to be the person who can’t party, go to play soccer, or hang out with friends because you didn’t finish your work. I try to minimize my work on weekends, and allow free time to hang out with people and relax. This is what I did in high school, because I would have games on weekends and other fun things to do. Obviously, it depends on your constraints and what you are doing, so fit it to yourself. You’ll learn how to over time.
With regards to extracurriculars, I feel like a lot of the same principles apply. Find activities that interest you and those interests can change. Involve yourself as much as you can with your schedule and take leadership if you are really passionate about the project. You don’t have to do everything, but doing what fulfills you is more than enough. You can take a lot of my principles about academics and apply them to extracurriculars. Why? Because these are life principles.
Conclusion
You’re gonna be okay. Everything will work itself out. It doesn’t seem like it now, but it will work out. Maybe not the exact way you intended it. But you will survive.
Major Takeaways:
- Life is not about your being the best. It’s about your doing your best.
- Growth is a gradual process. You don’t suddenly turn into the person you want to become. You take time and effort to improve yourself step-by-step.
- You don’t need to prove anything to anyone else. Keep value in yourself and value in your accomplishments. There’s no need to compare yourself to other people, because they are not on the same path as you. Live your best life.
- Life will NOT go perfectly. Expecting it to go perfectly will lead you to disappointment. Life has its ups and downs and this too shall pass. When things are going good, something may change and you will struggle again. When things are going bad, something may change and you will excel again. Develop the coping strategies to take on any challenge that comes your way.
- No one has the answers because there are no objective answers. You are here to discover your essence, your meaning, and what fulfills you. Nothing fundamentally matters at its core when you really think about it. We are all gonna die soon. Life is what you make of it, and you must construct what gives you meaning and fulfillment. (This philosophy is existentialism/optimistic nihilism, and this is what I’ve adopted as my framework. Take it with a grain of salt.)
Reach out to me if you have any more questions or concerns about college. I am not the perfect person to answer these questions, as I don’t have all the answers, but I may give some tips that you can take for yourself.
Email: jasonadavis2021@gmail.com (It’s also in my Roundup bio.)
Website: www.davis2021.com
Stay tuned for more college updates from The Jesuit Roundup!
