Dear Dee,
So many choices at the Jesuit cafe? What’s a hungry boy to choose?
Hungry Hugo
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Dear Hungry Hugo,
Lunch? You wish to know my thoughts on lunch, to advise on you on the “perfect lunch”? Hmmmm… Interesting. All things making up this perfect lunch must be items that can be purchased from the Jesuit cafeteria? Ok, well, even though I don’t often purchase lunch from the cafeteria, I happen to know its “schedule”, if you will, quite well, as pathetic as that may sound.
Ahem. Anyway, Monday is burgers, Tuesday is Mexican food (tacos, “crispitos”, taco salad, nachos), Thursday is pizza along with the famous wings (although I’m not sure they’re as famous anymore this year as last year), and Friday is usually some kind of pasta, I think.
The only day I’m unsure about is Wednesday, not only because I’m never around on Wednesdays but also because in the past, Wednesday was always the random day. Let’s call it “anything can happen Wednesday.” Therefore, I won’t be advising you to buy lunch Wednesday because I lack the knowledge of its menu. Not only that, but I know that he who asked this question is a senior and therefore isn’t around Wednesdays either. I will not disclose his identity outright, but I will leave it in a riddle. His name is very close in pronunciation to a botanical substance that is often enjoyed with pesto.
Haha looks like the jig is up @BasilSeif, everyone’s gonna get that one! Notice my technological-age “tag” of your name. That’s right, I’m hip; doin’ it exactly how they do on The Twitter. Then again, I just used a semicolon; therefore, due to my use of said semicolon, my claim to being “hip” has become moot, as few people use semicolons anymore. I honestly doubt if most people know how to use one, much less even know what it is. Heck, I’m not even sure I used it correctly when I placed it after “hip” in the third sentence of this paragraph. I do find it amusing, however, that I used another semicolon after the word “semicolon.” LMAO, as they say.
I hope the fact that I mentioned the true name of someone who wrote in a question does not discredit me to anyone thinking about asking a question. This question was not asked anonymously, but rather directly to me as a possible topic. If you send in a question it will be anonymous in the article, even if you do write your actual name as the person who sent it. I only unmasked Basil because I know he won’t mind, and, to be honest, he has a special place in my heart, and I can’t thank him enough for sending me a question to answer.
Anyway, back to the lunch situation. I forgot briefly to take a moment to cynicize (yes, I made up a word, it most nearly means “talk about something or describe something with cynicism or in a cynical manner”) the concept of the Jesuit cafeteria item “crispito”. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have anything negative to say about it in itself as a food item. I just think the name is comical. The item is literally a taquito. That’s what it is, nothing special about it except that it’s maybe slightly larger than your average taquito. I guess they just wanted to get fancy and come up with something special for the name, so they mashed “crispy” and “taquito” into one word, making “crispito” (which is funny, because the “crispito” is actually less crispy than your average taquito).
Now to get down to business. As for the day that I would recommend for your smorgasbord of a school lunch, because that’s what I’m going to advise you to get–a smorgasbord–I would recommend Thursday. As stated earlier, this day is pizza day. However, as I hope you all know at this point, I’m unconventional. You know what I say to your “pizza” day? I shout a resounding “NO” to the pizza. Try the wings my friend; they’re a different and interesting way to go. Not to mention that I personally think they’re quite good; they’re pretty much the only thing I get anymore. Even if you don’t end up liking them, I suggest you try them. If you want to know my reasoning for this, it’s because I’m not a huge fan of the pizza. The “personal” one has too much dough for me, the “Marco’s” one (do they still even have that?) is too crispy, and the individual slices are too unpredictable. That takes care of the entrée part of the meal I’m creating for you. Now onto the other parts.
What you should have for an appetizer, or side item, if you wish to consider it that, is nachos. Simple, yet quite tasty: chips and cheese and some of those spicy green things (jalapeños, I just said “spicy green things so it would rhyme). You can get them without jalapeños if you like, though, but that’s just plain boring.
On a quick side note, I would like to point out that when Dr. Degen and I discussed this question, he referred to the appetizer or side item as “hors d’oeuvre.” Seriously Dr.? You gettin’ fancy when it ain’t necessary. It ain’t appropriate neither. Listen here, son: “hors d’oeuvres” are fancy finger foods; the Jez cafeteria doesn’t serve those. I expected better of you. Just a bit of ribbing for the Dr. of course, hopefully this will still get published. I expect a resounding slap in the face from him now, the said slap being in the form of a fantastically crafted counter-argument that cascades beautifully with his rhetoric and demolishes my joke from the ground up. The gloves are off, pal. I expect a good one ;)
Lastly, a drink and dessert: grab a bottle of the chocolate milk from the big fancy fridge because 1) it’s soooooo good, and 2) either the thickness of milk or its chemical makeup (sorry I don’t know exactly) counters capsaicin better than any other drink, capsaicin being the chemical that makes spicy foods spicy. That way you won’t be burned too badly. As for dessert, you should get a Snicker’s Ice Cream Bar from the freezer. I had one once, and since then, my life has never been the same…. Yep, that good.
I hope you take my advice and try this crazy combination for lunch. I actually want to do this exact thing sometime now. Who knows, maybe I will, even though I generally prefer bringing a sack lunch because I can put exactly what I want in there. It’s more special that way. But in all seriousness buy these things and tell me how it goes. I want to know.
Sincerely,
Dee
